Fractured Self by JJRoberson
So much ot the language of prayer is a strange repentance for not being able to measure up to what we believe we should be. This is as true outside of conventional churches as in them. The world before monotheism saw a hosts of deities more or less in some form of unity, but also sometimes striving one against another, but the Israelite insistence on One God, not the Oneness of God, not the Eastern idea of Atman, but one personality controlling things changed the story of God and the story of the human psyche. The Sumerians could talk about deities hostile to humanity causing a flood because they were annoyed by humans, and one god, Enki, friendly to humans, saving them by instructions to build an ark. The Israelite account became one God, as crabby as the last set, but willing to save one family, and--we were told--justified in his crabbiness. And what crabbiness it was! Cities burned by falling sulfur, families swallowed into the ground, random plagues. When one God became the only god in town he had to take on all aspects of the Divine. What's more, even though he was required to do this, he was incapable of it. Yahweh could be a war god, but he was not going to be a god of sexual pleasure. In the book of Isaiah, he would brag about causing evil, but in the end this was too much, so a Devil was made. In the new view, the world was more divided than it ever would be and some things were simply no longer sacred. They were even flat out evil.
Yahweh could never really be the God of all. When that attempt was made the world was bound to be filled with devils and shadows and why in the world does that matter except that, as our minds turned from the world of pantheism to the world or monotheism the same thing happened to us. I had to stop myself and still stop myself from driving out my demons rather than soothing them. I still live, mentally, that Christian life, impatient that I cannot be as wise or courageous, or visionary as I want to be, or that while one part of me walks the path in certainty, another part is fearful in doubting. There are many parts of me. I do have a childlike spirit, but there is also an overzealous guard attending the child because he hasn't always succeeded in guarding him. And there is the Divine Spirit, God and Goddess and Lover as well. There is a sage in me as well as a lustful creature that takes pleasure whenever offered. The fun parts of me I love. The frightened or mean ones I would drive out ruthlessly. But true integration means naming and accepting those rough fellows. In another time I would have even called those recalcitrant parts unholy or demonic. It is believed that much of what has been regarded as demon possession was the failure of a person to except certain parts of themselves until they grew into unholy and tormenting others within the psyche. But we often want, self included, is an integration that is defined by ridding ourselves of these difficult personas, and that may not be a reality.
Polytheism, the freedom to see many Gods where, for seventeen centuries there had been only one game in town, ought to be accompanied by a freedom to live with the many selves inside of us. The teaching that some gods are devils trickles down to us believing some parts of us are devilish and not be borne as well. When Asherah is no longer divine, neither is lust and our desire is made shameful. As we step closer to embracing the gods we have forgotten or demonized, let us embrace with equal love the parts of us to which we have done the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment