Talking to the Dead

Let's not worry tonight. You don't even know the mess you're in, or what may happen. You may have to resolve yourself to further loss.I can't think of it now, I can only think of the psalmist that says the Lord takes care of these things while we sleep. So much has not been taken care of. So much is slow acting. Lord, take care of all these things. I hand to you that which I cannot change. You have visited me both with wonders I could imagine and sorrow I hoped to allay.If someone had told me that they year my job suddenly earned the money it deserved would be the year of a worldwide plague where I would earn more money staying home than going to work, if you had said it would be the same year my mother would become sicker and sicker and die, I would not have believed it.

Mother, you said something, and I remember being so happy and saying, "So you're going to live?" because the truth is, it sounded and looked like you were on your way to death. And you said, of course. But now I suppose we both know that wasn't to be. I kept longing for you to get better, have more energy, rest, get it together for lack of a better word. And you seemed more and more tired, even more and more univested, and then Dad called me and said you were slumped in a chair and didn't want to go to the hospital and the doctor called me and said you were dying and Julie called me and said you were dead. Looking back it all seems like one thing leading to the other, but I could not have seen it when it was happening.

The question in this Advent? How is joy restored when life will not be restored. How do we go on to a happiness in life when one we loved is gone from us?

I did the vision last night. I may try to do it again this night, not directing it, just letting myself be directed.